100 Tips to Alleviate Self-Doubt

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This post is a crowdsourcing effort to come up with 100 tips to battle self-doubt. Since this post went live on January 20, 2012, we’ve been able to collect 83 distinct tips.

Click here to download a 1-page handout: 83 Tips to Alleviate Self-Doubt.

The original post & comments are below. If you’d like to contribute tips, we will update the handout until we reach 100. A big thanks to Matthew Turner (also known as Turndog Millionaire) for launching this experiment.


Do you sometimes look at your writing and want to throw up? You know the feeling, surly. One day you write something, read over it and think, “Wow, that’s some rather snappy content!”

Then, just 24 hours later, you glance over it, scream at the screen and wonder how you wrote such dribble.

It’s a similar feeling to when I look at pictures from five years ago, hair like a Cure groupie with a quiff nestled a good five inches above my head. Seriously, what was I thinking?

This constant tennis match of self-doubt is a regular part of my life, and I reason with myself that it’s normal and everyone goes through this. Just like getting cold feet on your wedding day or panicking during a test you know you’re prepared for.

The real problem here is I doubt my self-doubt! What if this self-doubt’s telling me something? Maybe I should run away and leave it to the professionals?

But I keep on plugging away, because if I didn’t I’d be a quitter. So I cling to the fact that others go through this, including people who have “made it” in every sense of the word. Just about every blog I come across has a post like this, describing the eerie feeling of hating your own work and discovering you’re a fraud.

People like Joanna Penn, who’s now a full time writer/blogger with a great deal of respect, had feelings like this.

And I’ve just entered a contest on Men with Pens, the head honcho, James, opening up two free places on his writing course for those doubting their writing. At last count there were around 30 entries, and many of the posts are great, from people who definitely don’t need help with their craft. Saying that, they may look at mine and think exactly the same … hmmmm, or maybe not.

So I insist that this is normal and everyone goes through this overanalyzing crazy maze of AHHHHH. Some people, like me, go through it often. Others may only feel it from time to time. But I’m insistent everyone goes through it.

I’m here to offer three tips that have helped me in my times of need:

1. Walk away from it.

I let my mind sulk, come back a day or so later and try again. If I still feel the same then I make changes.  

2. Listen to music

This is a passion for me and listening to some slow and often depressing folk makes me feel better and inspires me.

3. Exercise

I’m at my most cranky when I’m tired and lacklustre, and a bout of exercise helps me snap out of it. I find self-doubt and whiney go through life hand in hand.

There you go, these are my three wise tips. Funny enough, and unsurprising I’m sure, it took me a few attempts to get to the final three. I wrote them down happily, re-read them and sulked at the screen, and eventually copied this entire article to an e-mail to Jane and already wonder if I could have done better.

But the point of this post was not for me to offer advice, but instead to come to Jane with the idea of gathering ideas from fellow writers who’ve been through, are going through, or feel they will one day go through this episode.

So this is the deal you’ve unintentionally signed up for. To leave a comment below with three tips of your own.

  • Maybe you’re a successful author who’s been through this and given sage advice to lead you through.
  • Maybe you’ve had a teacher, friend, family member, or dentist even who’s given you some amazing tips to deal with this self-doubt.
  • Or maybe you’ve just read something at some point and thought, “Wow, what a great idea.”

It’s not uncommon for Jane to get 30+ comments for a post, which would equate to over 100 tips. You might not find my tips helpful. Hell, you might not even find Jane’s tips helpful either when she leaves them in the comments. But chances are you’ll find one or two in a list of 100 that will help you along your journey—not just in writing, but life in general.

So it’s over to you, my fellow brother and sisters of self-doubt. Let’s help each other move forward and share our unbearable self-loathing.

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Joanne Tombrakos

That ugly old doubt thing….I can’t imagine there is a writer out there who doesn’t face it…often…or anyone who is off on a new path. 
Here are my tips to add:
1- Dance Breaks….
2-Read something inspiring like The War of Art by Steve Pressfield
3-Go do something else that I know I’m good at….like baking cookies…so I can experience that feeling of accomplishment that comes from finishing something!

Matthew Turner

I’m loving the idea of Baking and dancing. Do you do this at the same time???

And yes, i do take solace in the fact i’m sure everyone goes through this, even great writers with awards, big royalty cheques, and the ability to laze around by a sun soaked lake with a laptop on their knee, plying their trade 🙂

Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

Joanne Tombrakos

Ha! Sometimes I do dance and bake at the same time!

Matthew Turner

Ha brilliant… this should be your future youtube viral for a book

Kyla Rucci

I actually have a very different experience with self-doubt. Sometimes, while I’m writing, I feel out of sync with the story and that the words coming out on the page aren’t flowing correctly. The problem with this is that this feeling usually comes alongside a terrible urge to stop writing altogether.

After I’m finished, I still consider that part manure-level writing, but I usually hit a point of true gold if I keep slugging through that manure. My tip? Keep going despite the bad writing and you’ll more than likely find something worthwhile in it eventually.

I did think my work was yuck when I came back to read it when I was younger. Problem was, I was right. But I wouldn’t be writing as well as I do today, if I didn’t keep slugging through the manure.

Just keep going, don’t worry about the manure, and keep an eye out for that flash of gold. And keep in mind: your opinion is biased.

Hope that helps and that you’re all having a great day! Thanks for the great article, and I hope my tips don’t detract from this fun discussion. Happy writing, all!

Matthew Turner

I feel your pain, i often go through bouts of avoiding writing. This mainly comes from self doubt, and it often takes a few days or weeks to face the story again. I don’t think this is always bad though as it helps clear the mind and you can come back refreshed. 

Like you say though, it takes a lot of ‘slugging’ to get somewhere near to good

Happy writing to you too

Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

Michelle K. Pickett

Oh, your post reads like something I would have written.  In fact, I’m so fed up with what I’m writing I’m surfing the net to get away from it.  I should probably be slugging through the manure (love that phrase), but here I am.  Avoiding the big stinkin’ pile. 

Michelle
http://www.michelle-pickett.com

Linda Faulkner

I agree with Kyla.  I think it was Lawrence Block (in his Telling Lies for Fun and Profit) who said to keep writing straight through, even if you’re writing crap, until you’re done.  It’s a lot easier to edit and re-work crap than nothing.  He’s got a point.

When I read the garbage I’ve written, and believe I ought to hang up my pen and go wait on tables, I remember:  not many people can write thousands of words of garbage.   In fact, most people can’t pump out book after book, or story after story, or article after article.

Besides, who ever said live was fair … or easy?

Matthew Turner

ha so very true. Life is certainly far from fair, and quite right too. Nothing wrong with a challenge. Certainly keeps you on your toes.

I remember reading once 90% of writing is rewriting, so I guess it shows there’s always quite a long process for most

Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

Cynthia Triplett

I needed to hear this.  Thanks.

Linda Faulkner

Everyone does things differently, but some of us operate in similar fashion.  Glad I could help!

Mr Cleansheets

I actually disagree with this quite profoundly. In the past I’ve wasted so much time trying to fix a bad passage or a passage that went whimsically to the wrong place. In fact that’s the hardest editing there is, deleting a really well written passage that shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Stick with the spine of the story people! I cannot emphasise that enough.

Dane Zeller

Turndog, 
Frankly, I don’t have the problem. Even stories I’ve written twenty years ago sound great when I read them today. That’s why I’ve made friends with Honest Bob, Teresa “Your Story is Good But” Smith, and Betty “No Tact” Simpson. My one tip is to associate with a small critique group (like the one above), and they will confirm that your writing sucks, and why. The “why” is important. If you give them a great story, like one of mine, they will tell you that your writing sucks, and why.

Step two is to rewrite it and re-submit to the group. Do this over and over until Betty says, “I’ve seen worse.”

Matthew Turner

Ha i love the confidence. Can you mail some over to me please? Sounds like you have some to spare 😉

And yes, i think finding some critique partners is important too. I’m yet to find them, but hope to discover some in the next 12 months. Betty sounds tough though, not sure i could handle her

Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

Nancy LaTurner

My favorite self-doubt erasers:
1. go for a run
2. play my flute
3. listen to a guided meditation from “The Voice of the Muse: Answering the Call to Write” ( http://markdavidgerson.com ) and do some free writing.

Matthew Turner

Nice, i feel exercise is a biggie for a lot of people. Always helps clear my mind of the crazy anyway

And i’ve tried meditation before in the past, i’m just useless at sitting doing quiet and still though. Saying that, going to a meditation retreat is on my list to do. I feel it could be so good for me, not just writing, but life in general.

Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

Satia Renee

I’m going to interject that there are many ways to meditate and some don’t include sitting in silence.  

Walking meditations can be done anywhere.  If there’s a labyrinth near where you are, you can see if there are scheduled times when it is open but Thich Nhat Hanh has suggested that a special place is not necessary and one can even do a walking meditation in a shopping mall.  (Personally, I have yet to try that but I don’t doubt it can be done.)

There is moving meditation.  Yoga is a moving meditation practice if you enter the experience with an intention, focus your breath within each pose, and do a slower but still challenging practice.  Holding a pose if you are accustomed to a more flowing practice may sound boring but you can really get to know the pose and your body if you can make time to breathe into the pose.

There are, of course, dancing meditations.  Sufis have used spinning as a means of reaching altered states and there are other dancing meditation options as well, some are even available on dvd so, if you the thought of embarrassing yourself in public is prohibitive, you can find dvds to support your meditation exploration.

Chanting and drumming and sumi-e and calligraphy can all be meditative practices.  There are workshops for all forms of meditation somewhere out there.  It’s simply a matter of looking around and, when you don’t see one nearby, perhaps ask a local venue that might typically have workshops like these if there could be one.  Sometimes all it takes for something to be created is for someone to express a need for it.

And let us not forget, there are books that equate journaling, writing haiku, and all sorts of personal, reflective writing as meditations.  Clark Strand, Natalie Goldberg, and Jeff Davis just off the top of my head.  In another ten minutes, I’m sure my list would be much, much longer.

Turndog Millionaire

very interesting, i wasn’t aware there was so many meditation types. It’s certainly something i want to have as part of my life one day, i feel it will help me be much more zen (in other words not stressed to my eyes).

It’s good to know there’s plenty of options out there. I may have to try the walking one 🙂

Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

Anonymous

Like Kyla and others, when I have one of those moments when I not only doubt my writing ability, but also whether I should be writing at all, I force myself to continue. But first I take a moment to remember why I started writing, and why I thought anyone might want to read my writing. The passion for and conviction in what I’m doing moves from the background to the foreground in my mind, and my motivation is sparked again. That conviction gives me the will to keep typing.

Find the spark within. It’s there, waiting for you to call upon it.

Matthew Turner

Nicely put Monica, i always like to think we’re at our strongest when we fail, or at least think we’ve failed. It’s easy to be full of confidence when things are going well, but if you can pick yourself up when times are bad, and take strides forward then you truly have something to look to

Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

AlvaradoFrazier

When self doubt comes lurking I take my dog out for a walk. We have some meaningful discussions sometimes. 

Matthew Turner

Nice, Dogs always listen really well. They have extra super human like hearing after all 🙂

Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

Linda Faulkner

Maybe part of the reason I can keep plodding is because I take two 20-minute walks with my dog every day, regardless of the weather.  Okay,  when it’s pouring or below 0 we only go for one 10-minute walk…  But, man, that first walk every day, when no one else is around and all that potential is just out there waiting…  Gets me every day.  And the midday walk keeps me going.

Cynthia Triplett

I’ve just read Matthew Turner’s blog and must admit that I completely
and totally related to every word he said. I swim in self-doubt
constantly. It’s only when I dog-paddle hard and desperately that I
manage to come up to the surface and smell the sweet scent of
confidence. So here are my three suggestions for paddling out of the
mire:

1. I pretend my mother is sitting next to me saying:
“Cynthia, you have as much right to your thoughts and opinions as
anybody. Since you can’t please everyone, concentrate on pleasing
yourself. If nobody likes what you wrote [or did, etc.], it doesn’t
matter if YOU like it and are pleased with it.” Hearing her voice [even
in my head] always makes me smile.

2. I have many distractions
at home and often can’t get a break. My 12-year-old boy doesn’t take my
writing seriously and constantly demands my attention, distracting me
from my thoughts. There is only one place I have complete,
uninterrupted privacy — my bathroom. It’s my thinking room and I take
full advantage of it.

3. I try to do one bold, unCynthia-like
thing everyday. I’ve always struggled with insecurity and this exercise
seems to help me.

I can’t wait to read everybody’s suggestions.

Thanks,
Cynthia Triplett

Matthew Turner

Very touching Cynthia, and i totally agree. Accepting you that you can’t please everyone is massive, and so so hard to master. If you can please yourself though, well, you’ve made a good start

And i’m with you about the bathroom too, i find a lot of my ideas come when i’m in the shower. It’s always the shower or one particular pub in Halifax. It’s rather spooky actually how it always happens there

Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

Steve Bichard

I started the sequel to my first novel yesterday. I look for advice, but most tips were do not do one. However the feedback I have had from early readers was, when is the sequel out.
I must have sat for a few hours wondering how to start, looking at that blank page on the pc, but I got there and now I have my first page.
I still have a mountain to climb, trying to encompass previous and new readers of my work and I still wonder if I am just on a time consuming  ego trip.

While I had been searching I did come across a golden nugget of advice, twice in fact.

Just F****ing  write it!

Matthew Turner

Congrats on the sequel Steve, and your advice is to the point! 

It seems a lot of people turn to the idea of just writing and it will all come up rosey. I like this, it shows writing is a way of healing writing. 

Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

Sjhigbee

I really enjoyed this… I DON’T have 3 new tips to share – I think that you’ve covered a lot of ground already.  But I do have one more.  I find I’m stabbed with self doubt mostly when I’m already tired.  I sit at the computer after a long day and look at the screen, which is mocking me.  And… nope – I don’t take a deep breath and plunge in, anyway.  I give myself permission to walk away.  I find writing when I’m really exhausted is nothing but a slog and I rarely write anything worth the name, anyway.  Just fuelling those horrible internal sneers…

So my tip would be – there’s times when you SHOULDN’T sit there and keep struggling.  Allow yourself to get up and walk away WITHOUT beating yourself up.  Or then the guilt will start to cripple you…

Matthew Turner

We have a rebel everyone 😉

I must say, although i do respect those who dive in and write (and there’s times i do this too. Just write and worry about the quality later, if i’m not feeling something then i’ll often take a break, go watch TV, read a book, go to te pub etc

There’s always tomorrow, and i often come back with vengeance. Well, until the next bout of self doubt that is 

Matt (Turndog Millionaire)

Linda Faulkner

You’re right.  I hadn’t thought about how awful it is to try to write when I’m overtired … or having a migraine.  If I think about it, I can probably come up with a few other circumstances under which I [should] walk away.  Thanks for the reminder!