3 Horrible Mistruths About Social Media That Drive Me Insane

Flickr / tq2cute
Flickr / tq2cute

This post really needs no introduction. Let’s just get to the rant, in my favored numbered list format.

  1. “Who cares what you had for lunch?” Your excuse for hating social media is that people talk about what they’re eating? You know what the problem is? You have boring friends with no personality. Find someone worthwhile to follow online, and if that person DOES talk about their lunch, I guarantee you’ll want to know about it.
  2. “It’s mindlessly narcissistic and ego-driven.” Are you only following celebrities, rappers, and politicians? Or those snobby popular kids from high school? Because the people I know on social media are relentlessly OTHER-focused, service-oriented, and humble. Otherwise, no one would follow them.
  3. “It’s a time waster.” Relationship building is a waste of time? Having a conversation and sharing information is a waste of time? OK, I admit, some people get sucked in and really DO waste their time, but just because some people can’t be self-disciplined doesn’t mean it’s a time waster. We’re grown ups. We can handle the responsibility of writing, working, AND being social, can’t we?

Join my rant and share your favorite mistruths in the comments.

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Michael L. Martin Jr.

Hallelujah! I agree with this rant all the way. And I’m usually not a fan of rants, unless I’m doing the ranting.

But there’s also a mistruth that comes from the opposite side of the spectrum that drives me insanely insane (okay, not really). I strongly dislike when extremists treat social media as if it’s the ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL. 

Them: “If you’re not utilizing [insert social media thingy here] then you’re not serious about [life/your profession/saving The Shire from the evil clutches of Sauron. He’s a big meany pants!].”

Me (staring blankly): “C’mon son.”

From reading your posts, I’ve found that your feelings toward social media coincide with mine. I don’t love or hate social media. I don’t be believe social media is a waste of time. Nor do I believe it’s the absolute greatest use of one’s time. It can be fun and it can be a great tool (2 things that make me swoon). But it’s not going to save the world (boo!). Nor is it going to destroy it (yay!). Flesh and blood people will do those things.

Personally, I follow celebrities, rappers, politicians and also really cool peeps like Jane Friedman. I’m all about balance really. People should use, or not use, whatever they feel like however they feel like it. It ain’t that serious. Seriously.

Ashley Ford

“People who are engaged in social media are poor communicators in person.”

This one has always perplexed me. Why would I magically have a sense of humor or be interesting via social media, if I hadn’t learned to be that way in my life away from the computer screen? If anything, my “real world” relationships have been enhanced by our use of social media. Even my professional relationships, especially in writing, have greatly benefited from social media. Some of them even began on blogs and twitter.

Bri Clark

 Ashley I’m glad to see this is true for you. However, I don’t think it’s the same for others. I was at an event recently and my fellow vendors were so invested in their FB and Twitter accounts via cell phone and internet they lost many leads. But I guess that could be a product of not being able to disconnect which would be entirely different. Thanks for the comment nonetheless.

Shawn Spjut

Bri and Ashley:
Is the misuse of social media a fault of the technology or the individuals who are using it. Though I find people who sit next to me at a party texting and interacting on the internet instead of ingaging in none technological conversations extrememly rude, I can’t blame the internet. I suspect these individual’s  were rude long before that.

Ashley Ford

I would say this is accurate. I am heavily engaged in social media, but aware there is a time and place for everything. Some people seem to miss that memo.

Patrick Allmond

You can’t really misuse something that has no rules and no defined purpose. Using it differently is not misusing. 

Laura

 I agree with Patrick in that you can’t misuse somethat that has no rules.

We are all responsible for our own actions so if someone is spending more time on social media than what allows them to function well in other areas of their lives then they have to learn to set boundaries. If one looked at them closely it would be more than likely that they had other areas without boundaries as well.

Katy Gathright

I agree as well. In fact, this is one of the greatest strengths of social media — room for creativity.

Leslie Einhaus

I had an uncle actually have his phone on and holding it up across from his face during (DURING!) my cousin’s wedding/exchanging of the vows in a church! The entire time! I was behind him and talk about distracting! I was in shock! He won’t be invited to my wedding or sans phone. If that is possible. For so many these days, it’s a tough thing to ask even for an hour! Sad. But I’m pretty bad myself. But I never had my phone out at that wedding or reception. 

Rorey Cathcart

I’m with you on this point Ashley. I don’t post endlessly on my FB so what I do post I try to make interesting and relevant to my friends and family. On twitter, since I use it professionally, I have found the 140 character limit really pushes me to refine the point I am trying to make and to drag out some of the dustier words in my vocabulary to say what I mean in that limited space. If anything, I’m communicating better now than before.

Jack W Perry

I agree with you on all points. I seldom follow celebrities because I don’t care what they had for lunch. But I get most of my industry news and headlines from Twitter and other social media outlets. It is so vast, that there are ways for everyone to use. Those that say it is a waste of time have their heads in the sand.

tmcgrevy

Thank you!  My son has a rare syndrome (Smith-Magenis Syndrome) that is very under-diagnosed.  We only know of 600 people in the world.  I talk to people in Canada, Mexico, UK, Australia…not to mention all 50 states.  Would never happen without social media!  Our small fundraiser in Ohio was attended by a family from Vietnam last year (REALLY)!  She joined my facebook page…

Shawn Spjut

tmcgrevy: I found a brother and nephew I hadn’t seen for ten years through FB. Though neither are very good at communicating, without FB I doublt I’d ever have found them. The social media is a wonderful tool for enabling us to connect to the world from our desk. How we choice to use that tool is up to us.

Rorey Cathcart

Shawn: this is my primary use for FB too. Without it I wouldn’t have any idea what is going on in the lives of my neices. We don’t chat, but I see their posts and they see mine so we have some tenuous connection that wouldn’t be there otherwise. I’ve enjoyed reconnecting with some of my high school friends as well. I held off joining for years as one of those ‘waste of time’ people. Now I realize I’m the one that was wasting time I could have been connected to my family and friends.

Leslie Einhaus

I also use social media to connect with people that way, too! It’s wonderful. I have a rare genetic disorder called Schwannomatosis (also under-diagnosed) and Twitter and Facebook have helped connect me in a way that has been healing, educational, and supportive. I will admit in the beginning I followed maybe 25-30 celebs and I may follow 8-9 now if that. I use it primarily for professional reasons/networking as a professional writer/editor, connecting on the health and genetic disorder front, and chronic pain, in general. Those are the biggies. 

Leslie Einhaus

I also use social media to connect with people that way, too! It’s wonderful. I have a rare genetic disorder called Schwannomatosis (also under-diagnosed) and Twitter and Facebook have helped connect me in a way that has been healing, educational, and supportive. I will admit in the beginning I followed maybe 25-30 celebs and I may follow 8-9 now if that. I use it primarily for professional reasons/networking as a professional writer/editor, connecting on the health and genetic disorder front, and chronic pain, in general. Those are the biggies. 

Amber

Total sidenote: a blogger from my area put together a charity album (his kid has Smith-Magenis) for PRISMS. Social Media was huge in getting the word out about the album.

(Here is the link: http://www.dofunstuff.net/)

Jonathan Spencer

Thanks Jane. I need to tuck this away somewhere for the inevitable family get-together questions. They keep asking, so I suspect they know there’s a reason I use SM but so far I haven’t gotten through. Maybe this will help. On the other hand, I don’t really want to follow most of my relatives…

Amira Aly

I really think that it’s just basically 

ClaudiaC

 I know a woman who has unoperable brain cancer. Her well educated, well researched, valid doctors told her it was from her cellphone.  I wish there was more anti-cell phone propaganda…

David Y.B. Kaufmann

Like any other tool, social media is neutral. As a way of building relationships and learning, always learning, it’s invaluable. (Hey, I found your blog via a social media!)

BJ Muntain

Good ones! Another: You have to follow everyone who follows you or you’re doing it wrong.

This comes from the fallacy that the person with the most followers wins.

In reality, if you follow a lot of people whose tweets don’t interest you, you’re not going to enjoy social media anyway. After awhile, you’ll get bored and move on.

Social media isn’t about following or being followed. It’s about being *social* – interacting with people. It’s also about sharing – information, emotion, life.

/rant

Sam

Have to admit that I disagree completely with the premise, but I believe that all three items you list are basic truths and I thank you for enumerating them:

1. The “lunch” argument is meant to point out the general inanity of much SM content, specifically as it is thrown onto Twitter. Pick a random Twitter use that you think is “great” (don’t peek at their feed first, just pick the user). Now load that page and read the posts. See any that are inane like that? I’m sure you will. Some people don’t want to put that kind of thing in their life.

2. Your argument does not hold. Thousands, sometimes millions, of people follow extremely narcissistic, ego-driven celebrities and rappers and polititians. And the snobby popular kids. So “being humble” is not an automatic reason that people will follow others online. Everyone who is on SM (well, Twitter, because that’s what your post is about) is there to sell something (especially themselves). It’s a huge social-marketing fest. I don’t mean that everyone is saying “buy my book”; of course they’re not doing it. But everyone on it (everyone successful that is) is saying “here’s my brand, know it and love it, will ya?” And they are saying that constantly. And those who are good at it (and can stomach the constant act) are pretty much narcissists, driven by their egos.

3. I don’t think 140 character bursts is an effective, futuristic, or even good way to facilitate conversation. That’s why so much of Twitter is stupid: it’s either crude or somehow obscene or in poor taste (porn stars LOVE Twitter), or it’s just a dumb one-liner joke. That’s the bulk of it right ther, and yes I think that is a HUGE time waster. Also, the best relationships I have are forged first of all in person, and secondly, if they are epistalory relationships, they aren’t forged in 140 characters (or egotistically in public). I’m not saying that relationships CAN’T be forged or aided by Twitter use. I’ve done it myself. And if there’s, say, 300 people in the biz “on my radar” right now, of course I can’t see or call or write to all of them. Much easier to follow, retweet, or send a 10-word one-liner to one of them and that will do more than not contacting them at all. So in that way, an active presence on the public one-liner-trading fest that is Twitter will do you go. But again, it’s all about ego-driven marketing.

Jane Friedman

1. Twitter content mimics the content you will find elsewhere. Inanity is not new to social media. 

2. You sound like a very cynical person.

3. To summarize your point: It’s not an either/or situation. I agree! There’s a time and place for all types of communication. So why are you so critical of Twitter when it’s another facet of human expression? 

Perhaps you believe social media exacerbates our negative qualities. That’s a more interesting argument than the one you’ve made.

Shawn Spjut

Sam:
From a business perspective, is using SM to promote your product or authorship any different than what happens with TV, Radio, Mag. billboards or any of the other thousands of way human beings have found to connect what they offer to those who are looking to acquire? If anything, SM has allowed a vast number of individuals the opportunity to connect with other likeminded individuals in a manner that doesn’t cost us our first born child and allows us a greater audience than we had other wise. Do some abuse this? Yes. But then abuse comes in lots of disguises, even the one that allows people to rant.

Karma W.

 Meh, meh, and meh. I shared this on FB and found much of this article nails general negative attitudes about many forms of SM beyond twitter, including facebook. Everyone who is on social media is NOT there to sell something. People who want to keep abreast with friends and topics at a glance, people who are chat-centric, people who express themselves better through the written word than in person, people (like me) who live rural and find SM an  actual (gasp!) social network–often utilize facebook and twitter accounts. Many of these people are selling nothing to nobody.

As to your assertion that those who are good at presenting themselves on SM are “pretty much narcissists, driven by their egos”. I disagree so vehemently, I cannot tell you. Some, maybe, but I have many dear, wonderful friends who are quite excellent at presenting themselves in a professional, entertaining manner on facebook and twitter–friends with thousands of followers. Many of those friends are the ones who write me worried if I don’t post, or sense when I’m sad in a status andst send me a little pick me up message.

Writers, journalists, public speakers, and performers don’t have the luxury of being falsely modest. Our sales and careers depend on publicity, and pretending that we don’t care about issues that ultimately effect how much food we can put on the table, or if we can send our kids to college, has no place in the real world. Yep, I use facebook and other forms of SM to try and convince people that I am a good writer and a good speaker. One man’s “ego centric” is another woman’s “cheery confidence”. But I also use facebook to connect with old friends, find new friends, reach out to others, support charities, monitor my children and stay involved with topics of interest to them, flirt with my husband, and get dinner ideas. Oh, and one post from a friend resulted in a book idea that just sold to Hyperion in quite an excellent book deal. So yea, I guess I’m saying I disagree with you.

Rebekah Ruth

Absolutely love this response. Thanks…now I no longer feel the need to write one 🙂

Sam

You say you disagree with me, but in the same paragraph admit that SM is important to your career and income. That being true, how could it ever be possible that someone in your position would ever be able to agree in public with my original post? You couldn’t, and that’s my point.

Chris Clarke

If you can’t write something worth sharing in 140 characters, you probably can’t in more than 140 characters either.

None

Agree 100%. Original article title should be  TRUTHS, not MISTRUTHS. Especially the part about narcissism.

Steve Bichard

I was out for dinner last night and was asked why do I waste time on twitter.
‘ I have had a radio interview about my new novel, some great reviews and I am sure a few sales,’ was my answer. 

They still didn’t get it!