The Beauty and Tragedy of Endings

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Lost Series Finale

“There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the infinite passion of life.” (Fellini)

I’m a die-hard fan of Lost, and unless you’ve been living in a cave, you probably know the show’s finale is next weekend. I’ve seen every episode at least 2-3 times, sometimes more.

Today I stumbled across this blog post, “I Better Not Have Wasted All This Time on Lost.”

While I suppose it would be more enlightened for everyone to focus on the enjoyment of the journey, if Lost’s ending doesn’t offer up a satisfying conclusion, it could very well undercut the memory and enjoyment of the entire experience. This is something Daniel Kahneman discussed in his amazing TED talk—that our remembering self is the one that keeps score and maintains the story of our life.

Aside from Lost, the only other show I’ve been so dedicated to is Six Feet Under. And one of the reasons I still rave (and always will) about Six Feet Under is that it had the most hard-hitting and life-changing series finales I’ve ever seen in my life. Part of why it was so phenomenal was its finality.

Maybe it was so affecting because in real life, I find it difficult to directly end things. I like to leave windows and doors open, keep possibility alive, enjoy a slow fade, end things with a question. Even if endings present an opportunity for rebirth, there is always an element of loss. (I’m reminded of the Mason Jennings line: “Loss is brutal, I can’t stand it, I wonder how you can.”)

Side note: Back in 2005, there was a New York Times article I still remember about “divorce parties”—a new trend that I don’t think has caught on.

I think there may be two types of people in the world: Those who like very definite or stark closure (severing of communication; divestiture of all reminders/mementoes of a particular time, place, or experience; burn everything to the ground).

Then there are the fools like myself, who believe so strongly in that Tennyson line (“I am a part of all that I have met”) that it is like cutting off a major appendage to suddenly and completely lose a person, a place, a job, a community.

About Jane Friedman

Jane Friedman is a full-time assistant professor of e-media at the University of Cincinnati, and the former publisher of Writer's Digest. She has spoken on writing, publishing, and the future of media at more than 200 events since 2001, including South by Southwest, BookExpo America, and the Association of Writers and Writing Programs.

  • http://www.updatemystatus.blogspot.com Mama Bean

    dude, i am so feeling that last paragraph. like a lost appendage, yes! i hate when tv shows end, i feel like i'm losing friends.
    Great Tennyson line. Thanks for writing :)

  • http://whenfridayswerefridays.blogspot.com Colette

    Jane, what a thought-provoking post! Yes, we are part of all that we meet. At the same time, we lose people, places, jobs…. some by choice, others not. Is it the people who choose which path they take (stark closure vs. the Tennyson type) or do the circumstances come into play too?

  • http://www.janefriedman.com Jane Friedman

    Also (shh, a secret): I was crushed when Gilmore Girls ended.

  • http://www.janefriedman.com Jane Friedman

    Now there's a deep question — how much of it is choice. Still pondering.

  • http://www.updatemystatus.blogspot.com Mama Bean

    Don't even get me started on GG. Although, unlike the ending of Six Feet Under, the ending of GG was disappointing, to me. But yes, crushed is a good word.

  • http://www.janefriedman.com Jane Friedman

    VERY disappointing, agreed!

  • http://writingyourfeelings.wordpress.com/ Susana Mai

    I LOVE Lost, but I would feel cheated if it didn't have a satisfying ending. I think the same is true of any medium–TV, movies, books–where the beginning has to catch your interest, but the ending is what makes you want to cherish it, relive it, wish it would never end. I've enjoyed lost, but so much of it was about the journey, and this idea that we would GET SOMEWHERE. I don't need answers, per se, but I need an ending, not a we-gotta-squeeze-everything-and-we-got-no-idea-what-we're-doing-hahaha-sorry ending.

  • Cassi

    Honestly I'm just so happy Lost gets to FINISH not just be cut-off abrudtly mid-plot like most TV shows are. I thought setting an end date was a brilliant move on the producers of Lost & has pushed the show forward with motion.

    I'll miss Lost but it's had such a good run and gets to end on its own terms.

    (Gilmore Girls….sour subject for me too)

  • http://lindacassidylewis.com Linda Cassidy Lewis

    Am I a LOST fan? Let's just say it's the only TV show I never miss. I'm apprehensive about the finale, but I know that if I don't like it, I'll just make up my own and remember it that way. :-)

  • http://susannadaniel.com Susanna Daniel

    Similarly shameful — I was genuinely sad when Judging Amy ended, and now I watch Private Practice, which is truly terrible, just to get my Amy fix. I am waiting for all season of JA to be available on DVD.

  • http://www.nancyclements.com Nancy Clements

    I'm like you. I prefer a slow fade and even then, connections are not ever fully lost, for once made, they endure forever. There is a certain joy at being able to revisit them from time to time and to know that they will always be part of my life in some small way.

  • Steve Pribish

    Lost has had too much influence on my writing. My characters in y novel come and go with no explanation. At least I have an excuse – Lost made me do it.

    Does anyone miss Pushing Daisies?

  • http://www.janefriedman.com Jane Friedman

    As much as I love Lost, a little too often I feel like I just experienced a full hour of going nowhere.

  • http://www.janefriedman.com Jane Friedman

    Your comment makes me wonder at the development or idea of a TV series — a storytelling medium where there isn't necessarily a larger narrative arc or an ending in mind. When there is one, though, it feels so much more effective and interesting … I think …

  • http://www.janefriedman.com Jane Friedman

    I'm willing to bet that within a week or so of the official Lost ending, there will be dozens of spoof or improved endings on YouTube! ;)

  • http://www.janefriedman.com Jane Friedman

    A lovely thought!

  • http://www.janefriedman.com Jane Friedman

    I miss Journeyman, which I think debuted around the same time.

  • Michael Wheatley

    Oh no! <:-(

  • Leaf River Writer

    “I am part of all that I have met” to me is more interesting than Lost ever was. Don't get me wrong, I love Lost, but I recognize that it is a respite from my personal struggles of dealing with “all that I have met.” You see, I moved 50 times in 45 years, changing schools about once a year, though once I attended three in one year. No, my family were not in the military. It's a crazy story, one I'm wrestling to get into words. My struggle is reclaiming all the memories, not trying to let them go. Although I honor my rich life, sometimes I envy those who grew up in one town or city. So to all you missing Lost, let go of the shore. The river may take you to a new, wondrous adventure, beyond your imagination. You'll have plenty of time to spend remembering the days when . . . after you turn 60 or 70 or maybe 80.

  • http://www.janefriedman.com Jane Friedman

    Wow! That's amazing — and a really marketable hook for a memoir (if you were wondering, hint-hint). I hope to read more of your story someday.

  • Leaf River Writer

    Careful what you wish for. It's on its way (snail mail). I chose you for a Manuscript Evaluation as part of my attendance at the Midwest Writers Workshop. I love your writing and am looking forward to your feedback. This is my first book and first Writers' conference, though I plan for many more of each in the future. Thanks for being such a great inspiration. Also, I just received a slew of books from WD, and I'm getting all my questions answered. WD magazine and on line are wonderfully helpful as well. I tell all the other budding writers I meet about you and WD. As you can tell, I'm a fan, and looking forward to meeting you.

  • http://www.janefriedman.com Jane Friedman

    :) Excellent. Look forward to meeting you & reading your work. You'll love Midwest Writers – a fabulous group and event.

  • Kevin McGill

    So, here is my theory. If story is about conflict, then it seems we want to “end” the conflict. The point of living happily ever after is to forget the conflicts faced. Which is only a reflection of life in general. When we want something resolved, we want a good resolution from a bad problem, and then move on. To close it off, and walk away. Isn't that the divorce parties? A declaration that I am moving on.
    What I loved about the ending of Lost is it turned that on its head. The characters needed to remember the story and relationships gained made along the way before moving into the next life.
    My thoughts. Garbled, but still, my thoughts.

  • http://www.janefriedman.com Jane Friedman

    That's a fascinating take — I love that contrast.