What Are Your Most Romantic Moments?

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Rainbow Over the Ohio River (Cincinnati)
Rainbow Over the Ohio River (Cincinnati)

I have been categorized by best friends—as well as by significant others—as “not romantic.”

I’m always surprised when someone makes this observation, because (of course) I find myself to be ridiculously, if silently, romantic. But not overtly, girly romantic.

Romance feels like a combination of perception/perspective, theory, and individuality. Consider:

  • Public or private?
  • Actions or words?
  • Routine or singular?
  • Serious purpose or playful-casual?
  • Serendipitous or intentional?
  • Traditional or bucking trend?
  • Serves your best self or The Other’s best self?

Recently, The Conductor asked what I thought was romantic. It’s taken me a long time to formulate an answer (he asked me weeks ago). I have a personal answer for him, but I also have a public answer—because I’m hoping you’ll share a romantic moment too—in the comments.

What do you find romantic?

A few romantic things that I’ve done:

  • Assembled a handmade book of IM chats from a first year together
  • Snuck into an apartment and cleaned up a big mess
  • Wrote a series of intentionally bad Valentine’s Day poems
  • Spent more hours driving/traveling to be with someone than the non-transit time spent together (sometimes as a surprise)
  • Bought airline tickets on the sly

    About Jane Friedman

    Jane Friedman is a full-time assistant professor of e-media at the University of Cincinnati, and the former publisher of Writer's Digest. She has spoken on writing, publishing, and the future of media at more than 200 events since 2001, including South by Southwest, BookExpo America, and the Association of Writers and Writing Programs.

    • http://www.marisabirns.com/ Marisa Birns

      Giving chocolate hearts and flowers on a day specified as Romantic Day is lovely, sure.

      But when someone takes the time to know the needs of their significant other, and to act upon it without prompting, that's romantic.

      I know of someone who does not like to go to the theater. But his wife does. He accompanies her because he knows it brings her pleasure. Then they walk home holding hands.

      I think the things you've listed are very romantic. :)

    • Vanessa

      I've written a (very bad) sonnet as a romantic gesture, but the most romantic things for me are the ones that recognize what the other person wants/needs. It's thinking about what that person wants and likes, not a generic gesture (I'm not a flowers and cards kind of girl), but mostly, showing respect is the most romantic thing a person can do, if you ask me.

    • http://heathermccorkle.blogspot.com/ Heather

      One of the most romantic times my hubby and I had was when we went to Jamaica for our anniversary. The entire week was so filled with romance I can't pick just one moment! It was all about each other, all week. To me that's romance, focusing on each other. In day to day life it's doing something thoughtful, be it a note, a gift, or just a special look.

    • Mark Favreau

      Finding beauty in the common and simple things in life …and acting on them. (example: Standing in the supermarket looking at endless rows of cereal… putting your arm around her and whispering that you love her). Romance is expected on special days… making every day special is what makes romance.

    • Lyn South

      I find that “romantic” is relative to a person's love language. A friend of mine finds it romantic when her significant other makes dinner for her (act of service); I find it romantic when my husband says (or emails, or texts) something endearing and sweetly emotional to me (verbal or written affection).

      So, this goes along with the other comments in the thread: what's most romantic is what meets the other person's needs.

      Of course, there's a lot to be said for serendipitous acts that take one's breath away. :-D

    • JerryJanuszewski

      I think the common denominators for romantic acts are that one is made to feel their own specialness through gestures from the giver that indicate thoughtfulness (knowledge of the beloved), kindness and generosity (again, that matter to the beloved) and that delight the giver as well.

    • Shennandoah Diaz

      I'm not showy, overly verbal, or gushy in the chick flick kind of way. Romance to me is sweatpants over breakfast then a matinee where he laughs when I cheer at a good fight scene. Sometimes its coming home to find the dishes miraculously clean and put away. It's getting my inspection on my car taken care of, putting up with my extended family, and me speaking broken Spanish to the in-laws. Its a bunch of little moments, unplanned, often ungraceful, but genuine in every way.

    • dorriolds

      The other day i was so stressed from a long and difficult work day. I asked my beau if we could pretend that it was my birthday. He totally went along with it! He rubbed my feet, cooked & brought the meal to me in bed. He walked the dog (usually my job). Then he acted silly, pretending to dance with the closet door until i burst out laughing. it was heaven.

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